Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

Author:Harville Hendrix:
1. Identify your Imago. Imago is the unconscious image of our ideal mate that we form based on our early childhood experiences. When we meet someone who matches our Imago, we are instantly attracted to them. But once the initial attraction fades, our Imago can start to project our own unmet needs and desires onto our partner. This can lead to conflict and resentment. To improve our relationships, we need to become aware of our Imago and how it is affecting our relationships.
2. Express your needs and wants. We often expect our partners to know what we need and want, but this is unrealistic. We need to be clear and direct about our needs and wants. This doesn't mean we have to be demanding or controlling. It simply means communicating our needs and wants in a respectful and assertive way.
3. Listen to your partner's needs and wants. Just as important as expressing our own needs and wants is listening to our partner's needs and wants. When we listen to our partner with empathy and understanding, we can build a deeper connection with them. We can also learn how to better meet their needs.
4. Mirror your partner's Imago. Mirroring is a powerful way to help our partner heal from their childhood wounds. When we mirror our partner's Imago, we are essentially reflecting back to them their unmet needs and desires. This can help them to become more aware of their own Imago and to start to heal from their childhood wounds.
5. Set healthy boundaries. Boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship. They help us to protect our own physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. When we set healthy boundaries, we communicate to our partner what we are and are not willing to accept in the relationship.
6. Resolve conflict in a healthy way. Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. But it's important to resolve conflict in a healthy way. This means avoiding name-calling, blaming, and criticizing. Instead, focus on communicating your feelings and needs in a respectful way.
7. Nurture your relationship. Relationships take work. We need to nurture our relationships by spending time together, doing things we enjoy together, and expressing our love and appreciation for each other.
Getting the Love You Want is a comprehensive guide to improving your relationships. It is based on the principles of Imago Relationship Therapy, which is a type of therapy that helps couples to understand and heal from their childhood wounds. If you are looking for a book that can help you to improve your relationships, I highly recommend Getting the Love You Want.